How many times have we told ourselves that “we aren’t good enough….”?
Who even determines that? Others or ourselves? Who sets the standards by which we are judged?
If you’re anything like me, self-worth and self-doubt can be a struggle because we didn’t always have someone telling us we could be whatever we want to be or that we were worth whatever we were willing to work towards. As a result, we engage in behaviors as a result of our negative thought processes, that do not assist in living our destined life path.
Honestly, feeling like we aren’t good enough is normal, it’s part of being human. But, as a society, it’s frowned upon at times to talk about negative emotions and mental health. Anddddd it’s awkward to talk about these emotions with others because it makes us uncomfortable. Instead of seeing that negative emotion as a negative, we are going to talk about how to utilize it as a positive moment of growth. It took time to realize this, to understand and grow from it, but it is possible.
What if you went about your life just “content” with where you are? Then people’s opinions wouldn’t matter and as a result there would never be this struggle bus. But then people would pass you by, with no trigger, no true feelings and as a result you would feel worthless. Eventually, being ignored, being passed by would evoke emotion that could cause you to become angry, aggressive even depressed. Instead of seeing this as a growth point, it would cause others to hold power over you and force you to feel like you should fit into a certain mold.
If you’re anything like me, when we don’t feel good enough, self-comparison steals our joy. As a result, we find ourselves looking at trends, at popular people, at our lives as if we are not doing enough. As if we are not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, successful enough etc. Then, when we do encounter negativity, we see it even more as a personal attack, one that can cause you to become more unstable. But, you have to realize, everyone feels this way at some point, we all lack at times in our lives and do not feel worthy.
So, how do we handle negative emotions?
Simple, ha ha ha. Instead of seeing our personal negative emotions as something that is wrong with us, we must utilize it as an opportunity to see what is causing this trigger and what we can learn from it. Why are we having these emotions? What is causing them? Why are they intensifying? What can I learn from this situation?
Life has a funny way of causing us to self-reflect to facilitate growth. Negative emotions are our ability to see where we are weak so we can grow stronger. It’s not others who are causing this grief, honestly, when I feel these emotions, it’s because it relates to something in my life that hasn’t healed yet. It’s not comfortable, it doesn’t feel good, it can cause pushback when we should be diving deeper.
Instead of ignoring these moments, embrace them. Utilize this self-reflection as a chance to converse with yourself and take responsibility for your emotions. Insanity is known as continually repeating the same thing over time thinking we will get a different outcome. That is us with our emotions. We cannot continually experience these thoughts/actions expecting a different outcome if we aren’t doing something differently.
How do we get off this roller-coaster?
Start by realizing your triggered response, what were you doing at the time, what was your response, why are you attacking yourself? Because you’re not deeming yourself as worthy of love and appreciation. It’s time to take responsibility and heal our previous experiences to get off this uncomfortable ride.
Our past is that, our past. But so often instead of healing from it, we forcibly move forward going a million miles an hour instead of establishing a foundation from our history for inner strength. Our past is uncomfortable, heartbreaking, often times scary. So we ignore these things, push them to the back of our minds and ignore the reality.
We are quick to love hard on others when they need help and redirection, but slow to assist ourselves. Recognize that our negative emotions are opportunities to learn and grow. There’s always a more positive, open response then ones we choose initially to prevent ourselves going down this rabbit hole. When you feel you’ve been triggered it’s time to breathe. It’s time to remember this judgment and reveal them for what they are.
These emotions are just thoughts, statements, words, they do not define you, they do not change who you are unless you let them. Let the emotion in, but do not let it penetrate your heart and mind. Do not take other’s judgment or choices personally. Allow those who make you feel unworthy continue on, let their opinions pass, with you knowing that is not your truth.
As a result, you will find gratitude from this negativity. You will learn from your triggers, reflect, move forward and each time grow to be a stronger, more confident, badass individual. In these moments, we will find solutions, not situations. We will be able to conquer and do more with our life because we will know enough to no longer get on this roller-coaster.
Realize my loves, there’s always going to be triggers, someone who disagrees with your life, someone who won’t love or respect you in the way you feel you deserve BUT that’s where you come in! You set the expectations for the love and appreciation you determine you deserve and receive. No one gets to take away your worth from you no matter who they are.
Now go on with your day.
Know you are worth everything you want and are willing to work for.