If you’ve ever struggled with anxiety, or depression or both….you’re going to feel right at home today.
For the last month, I’ve been anxious. I’ve been short tempered. I’ve been quiet. Somedays straight lost.
But that’s okay.
Sometimes in life, I feel like we are so overloaded trying to be everything for everyone, so focused on ideal lifestyles that we lose sight of just how great our daily efforts can be. Instead of high-fiving ourselves for surviving some of our hardest days we beat ourselves down. We think we don’t measure up, we compare ourselves to everyone who isn’t where we are and forget that it’s okay that we have struggles. No one should ever be ashamed because they’re struggling, feel lost or are lacking self worth.
The only problem is if you stay stuck, if you give up on yourself and those crazy awesome dreams.
A month ago I was drowning, I couldn’t see the light. I was so stressed out that I was losing sight of every single wonderful thing in my life. My prayers turned to pleas. I started to wake up later, started eating less because I didn’t have an appetite and my workouts weren’t my therapy anymore they were a chore. That’s when I knew I wasn’t in the right headspace. Because of that, I’ve been working on something called “The Happiness Experiment.” After listening to the 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins, I had this moment where I felt completely compelled to act. I was driving and suddenly I turned into the plaza where the bookstore was. I stood in front of the shelves reading back after back until two books stood out to me.
The first was a meditation book called, “You have 4 minutes to change your life,” by Rebekah Borucki. Meditation is something incredibly impactful. It takes your mantras, affirmations and enables you to find a calm, centered place to rationally think and get yourself back to a safe place. Because of my schedule, I cannot make it to my yoga studio where I practice so I found 4 minute meditations a perfect addition to a crazy busy schedule.
The second was a book about happiness called, “Uncovering Happiness-overcoming depression with mindfulness and self comparison” by Elisha Goldstein, PHD. These are two areas of my life that I have found healthy alternatives to handle and conquer. But sometimes, there are seasons, times where when it rains it pours and then suddenly it’s a hurricane. You wonder why it’s not enough, why when you’re doing everything you can, you still can’t get past your circumstances. What I’ve found that I lack most is self-confidence and denying the self-doubt to manifest in my head.
We are humans. Beautiful, flawed, hard working people who just want the freedom they work for.
In the last month, throughout all of the difficulties I’ve faced, I’ve realized that life is going by way to fast and my level of fulfillment has been fading. Life can be such a difficult ride and sometimes when we focus on that hurricane we forget that we know how to swim like hell. So, instead of drowning I started to paddle, slow at first but eventually faster and faster. I learned to slow my mind doing the things I enjoy like yoga, lifting, mindless tv and naps. They seem mostly unproductive but that’s exactly what I need. My brain is on 24/7 and it’s preventing me from being able to function.
Instead of focusing on the unanswered emails, the piles of laundry, the unpacked suitcases and the list a mile long of things that need done now. I started to focus on the day, sometimes the hour and on my hardest days the minute. Friends, we have to stop focusing on everything we aren’t and start focusing on everything we are. In those moments, I prayed, I counted the things going right and I focused on everything I am grateful for. You know what happened….I gained the ability to breathe. Because even during our darkest hours, our hardest days, there is always more good than bad, more to be grateful for than to complain and thankfully each day our feet hit the floor more opportunity for change.
So….how does this happen? How do you make a positive lifestyle change?
First, I found the books that resonated with what I was lacking, with what I need to grow and focus on. These books I don’t read by default, I read when my heart and mind are open to establish personal growth. If a day went by that was too overwhelming, I didn’t read. I did something mindless to alleviate pressure.
Second, workouts. Legit. It’s been my therapy. There is something so fulfilling when you push
yourself, when you sweat for more and give everything you have to that workout. It’s funny, working out can totally be a chore because you’re focusing on your goals, your weight loss, your lack of confidence. But what’s crazy amazing, is that those workouts become so much bigger than a number on a scale. It becomes a lifeline, something that no matter where you’re at, you can press play and sweat for sanity.
Third, lists. This may seem counterintuitive but it’s actually freeing. It’s like journaling but for someone like me it enables me to catch up after difficult days. I have a simple notepad where I write down everything I have to accomplish and make little boxes to check them off. I add what I need when I need. It’s like a brain dump, any thoughts, feelings, upcoming events or ideas. I jot notes down and put it aside. It sits on my desk and is only completed while I am working my business. It makes the on days so much more successful which gives me more confidence that I can overcome this difficulty.
If you learn anything from me opening my heart today, I hope you know that no matter how heavy your situation is, the pain you are enduring, the fear from the unknown- you can overcome this and if you’re anything like me, you’ll be more resilient because of it. So be kind to yourself, to others you meet, we truly never know what someone is struggling with behind the scenes. Be gentle my friends. One day it’s all going to come together and the days that lead up to that moment will forever be moments of gratitude because you survived everything you thought that would bring you down.
Go on friends, you are badass people. Never forget that.
